Hated: Ostriches

Posted by Bradley Prouse on Sep 2, 2011 in The Wastrel | 0 comments

OTTAWA, CANADA

For reasons that are beyond me now, I spent that last month playing cards and drinking coffee in a remote northern community. The Internet connection was pretty terrible, which meant no YouTube, no Flash games, and no cute cat videos. I could, however, load up a good text-based page to read over a game of cribbage. The classic layout and remarkable writing of www.McSweeneys.net provides hours of thoughtful delights.

Plus, I am on board with anything that confirms my suspicions about ostriches. Which McSweeney’s does, with this.

“Every day [ostriches] wake up and wonder how they can kill themselves,” reads one article that features interviews with odd-jobbed individuals. Sure, everyone needs a job, but I’ll certainly take playing cards and drinking coffee over tending to birds that run 30 miles per hour and have no notion of their own safety. Or anyone else’s.

(Note to editor, please post this update in Comic Sans.)

(Ed. note: absolutely not.)